My Plan...

So I thought of it, why not make daily letters to you? I'm just hoping you'll be able to read the letters. I just want you to know how much I think about you everyday. I won't make a letter for you today though.. Its too late. Don't worry I won't forget to make one every single day.

How's life? I love you 

meeeeeep.

So wala pa rin, wala paring pakialaman. Gosh I miss you. Why is it that you're not talking to me anymore? did i say or do something that made you this? I really really really really really miss you. 

what I learned today

So I guess you're at the party with your girlfriend or something. Its been a long time since we last talked. You'll never know how much I am worrying about you right now. You'll never know how much I miss you. You'll never know how much I love you. It hurts that you would constantly push me away for some reason I don't know. Maybe its my fault, but at least you could've made a way to say hi. I just wanna  move on from this and and forget you. I know that I can't do so. In the back of my head I would ask myself.. What if it happens again? What if a part 2 is coming up? What if I get another chance to make it all right? All of these questions keeps me hoping for that chance to be with you again. This time,we'll end our story right. "With faith you can do anything" this quote from soul surfer inspired me to work hard for what I want. A manifestation of the quote was when I got my target time during my training session earlier this week. Since the splits I was maintaining were too slow, I knew I had to focus and have faith in myself to achieve my target time. We were doing 4x50 fast freestyle swim. The times I got were 39's and 38's. These times are too slow for me. So I told myself, "focus and have a little faith." Soon as the last set came, I got my target time of 36. Going back to the real topic of the blog post.. I told myself: "when I know that I want something so bad, I'll do anything to get it". Meaning, this is the mindset of mine about you B. I won't give up on hoping because I know this is what I want so bad. I am always yours. I'm just keeping my promise B....promise of forever.


I miss you so bad. Take care okay? I love you :*

-T

Old friend.

I really find this giving-each-other-space thing hard. I know i should let him be because he's not mine anymore. But the thing is, I really miss his company. Knowing that he's there makes completes my day. Its been about a week since we last talked. I would just wonder where he is and how he is right now. I told myself that its better that I don't get to see him instead of seeing him but getting hurt. I miss him so much. I hope he knows that. I won't stop hoping that he'll say hi. 

hey there..

So its like almost a week since we last talked. I deleted you because I wanted to see If you'd care to find a way to say hi. But I guess you don't. I really miss you :( (I guess those 4 words are the most said words in my blog) Oh well, I can't teleport to where you are neither can you do in vice versa. Can't we just do it all over again? This time a lot better than before? I really want a second chance to fix everything. I still love you and I'm really worried about how you are right now. You still mean everything to me B.

I just can't hide it.

I really really miss him already. I don't know why he hasn't or doesn't want to talk to me. I fucking miss talking him. But I guess he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't know how much I'm worried of him most especially how much I miss him. Shit tears are pouring down again. I wish I can hug him the I get to before. I just miss him. And its just killing me. HUY B I WISH YOURE OKAY. MAGPARAMDAM KA NAMAN, MISS U.


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The reason for the teardrops

So it's a Friday night. The usual I'm here in my bed crying myself to sleep. I even played teardrops on my guitar in my itouch. I start to remember everything again. Damn my photographic memory. Friday was our favorite day off all. But now it's just a normal crappy day. I really miss him. Yes maybe 3 days can really seem like forever. Atleast I know he's alive (he updated his bbm stat. I wish he is happy right now,even if him not talking to me killing me inside. All I am praying for is for him to be safe always. I pray that God takes care if him. It's not eat for me to move on that easily. So don't judge me for doing so. He is such an awesome guy. He'll make sure that you're the luckiest girl in the world when you're in his arms. I miss being that girl. The tears are falling again. This is how much I love him. To see him happy would mean everything to me. He is the best guy I have met so far. I won't stop hoping a part 2 may come.

.....

woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm startin to worry now.. I hope he's okay. I really miss talking to him. I really wish he's fine. I can't really say much at the moment. Maybe the worry is just overpowering me.

So its been two

Wow I've done a lot of stuff during this week. But at the back of my mind, I am still missing him.. Its the sad reality but hey. I 'd rather want him to be happy than to see him sad. People just do crazy things for love. This blog is a manifestation of it. I really really care for that guy. Shit :( Its getting late, I gotta do stuff. Good night. ILYSM.

How are you?

Okay we haven't talked today. FYI I'm getting worried of you. I really hope you are okay bro.. Take care okay? If ever you read this, I just want you to stay safe okay? You promised me that. Me sleepy na.. k nyt! :) ILYSMF. you know what it means B... una na ako.



#iwontstophoping

This song..

I've been playing this song over and over again in my head for the whole day. This ones for you B. Thank you for this wonderful song Miley Cyrus.

Goodbyes


I can honestly say you've been on my mind
Since I woke up today, up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

But I remember those simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is goodbye

I woke up this morning and played are song
And throwing my tears, I sang along
I picked up the phone and then put it down
'Cause I know I'm wasting my time
And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

But I remember the simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget

Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up
With your ringtone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I'm surprised to hear you say

You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing

You remember the simple things
We talked 'til we cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I'd forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Ooh, goodbye


#iwontstophoping

This says it all.

If we never see each other again, and you’re out walking one day, and you feel a certain presence beside you, that will be me loving you wherever I am.

- Charlie Bellow, My Sassy Girl

The best line ever said in the movie, This brings me to tears every time I watch.

You know I'm always here ...

#iwontstophoping

Its been a day ..

So Its been a day since we talked. I kinda miss him though. but I guess its better this way, I able to focus more on other stuff. But it doesn't mean I don't love him, because I do so much. Things will all fall into place soon, hopefully we'll both be happy in whatever happens. I wanna see where this story ends, because I know its not over yet. I just miss those times when I know he would always be there for me during my ups and downs. I quote: "Some of us are meant to suffer, you know? Some of us are lead to believe that we have this certain destiny and then it just gets snatched away. But we have to stay alive. ‘Cause we have to see how our story ends. – Jordan Roark, My Sassy Girl" This quote comes form my favorite movie. With that said, it made me believe that the story isn't over yet. I won't stop hoping 'til the story ends.

So my effin phone won't work. :( I cant talk to you. shit I miss you already. FUCK :( LOVE YOU BOY. #iwontstophoping

you can calm me down

Yes, you're the only one who can do so. To get the chance to talk to you makes me the happiest person in the world. I really love you but I know you can't see. I need to do my homework now. I wont stop hoping baby

Hey, I love you

I miss everything. I don't get it why you're okay with everything. Manhid ka ata, Can't you see I'm dying? I'm like doing my best to keep a poker face to not lose you. I guess you love someone else now and I know i can't do anything. I just want to hold your hand, kiss you slowly and tell you that I love you. You're my everything. Its hard for me to how you could just walk away like this. I LOVE YOU FOREVER DON'T FORGET THAT. I wont stop hoping

hi

I really miss you :( I suddenly miss everything. #iwontstophoping. I love you

Thinking of you

Here comes the feelings again, I am suddenly missing you. The usual, we haven't talked for the whole day. I know you're also busy. Shit I'm just still in shock of everything. What happened scarred me for the past 5 months. I'm broken, I may not seem to be sad but when all the lights are closed, I would just cry myself to sleep. I can proudly say that I have mastered the art of hiding pain and crying quietly. I just really miss that guy for effin sake. But I can't change the things that are happening now. I want to, but I couldn't. Its just so hard trying to forget things that I got used to for 9 months and 9 days. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I wish i can just rewind and fix everything. If I cant only do so, until then, I wont stop hoping.

Fantasy Prayer

There was this activity called "Fantasy Prayer". Wherein I had to think of my dream vacation and a person that means a lot to me in my life. So my chosen destination was under the Eiffel Tower in Paris. While the first person who came into my mind was him. As I closed my eyes and daydreamed I saw everything vividly (The Eiffel Tower, the picturesque sky and him). As I walked closer to him I felt like a little girl again, thinking of him as my big teddy bear. The time I got to him face-to-face all I did was to stare at him until the time our facilitator told us to part with our loved ones. Before I left, he gave me this big and tight hug which made me not want to let go. But I still had to, because I had to talk to a more important person in my life-Jesus. I remembered my conversation with him so clearly. Here's what happened:

*just parted with him*

Me: What do I have to do? 

Jesus: Hope and Believe

Me: Wha-a-t I-ii-f...

Jesus: You have to be there for him ALWAYS.

After my short conversation with Jesus, I had to open my eyes to reality. But it made me want to believe more, It made me want to hope. Ever since that conversation, I was there for him, I never left his side because I know I couldn't. He just means everything to me. I love you, don't forget that B. 

I wont stop hoping.

Here I go again

Is it that hard to forget somebody you really love? Cuz for me it is. Its been about, 4 months, 23 days, 1 hour, forty five minutes and 46 seconds ever since he left. Why am I that broken? Why can't I move on? Whats wrong with me. Ughhh I really love that guy. But I have to accept that the old person I knew wont be coming back. Everyday I would just reminisce those moments and just slap myself in the face to wake up to reality.- That he's gone, and all I'm left with is regrets. Still,I like the fact that we're really good friends, but I just really miss having him around all the time. I would often just cry it all out before I go to bed (that explains my eye bags). Even making this post is bringing me to tears. It hurts when the person you love so much is in front of you, but you can't do anything at all. You have to hide all the pain and put up the prettiest smile as possible. I wanna give up on hoping, but something is stopping me. I don't know what it is but I just can't give up, because I guess its really worth all the pain. So to sum it all up, I still wont stop hoping.

Since You've Been Gone

Its been almost 5 months ever since all the heartache started. But why is it that the pain is still here? Why is it just so hard to forget him? -- Recently, we had a very short meet up which made me break down. Then when I went down his car and turned around I couldn't help but cry. Why? Its because I saw the person I really love so much was in front me, but I couldn't do anything. He'll never know how much he means to me, He'll never know how much I love him. "It's hard to wait for something you know might never happen but it's harder to give up when you know its everything you want." I cried almost every single day in 2012, spent almost all my 11:11 wishes for him and I never fail to pray for him. This is how much I love him. But I guess its better that we are like this for a while. I really love AGHNF  but until then, I won't stop hoping.